Cynthia Loyst is a Canadian talk show host and media personality who currently hosts CTV’s The Social, along with three other women. Loyst is also the creator of Find Your Pleasure, an online hub to help readers find pleasure in their lives. She looks to connect with more women across the world, cultivating, and furthering this community of people who want to be more present in their lives – acknowledging all of the incredible things our senses have to offer. She does that through her vibrant online community dedicated to pleasure.
(Marcus): What do you love most about your work at CTV’s The Social?
(Cynthia): One of the things I love most about working at The Social is connecting with the audience. Obviously, I love the fact that I have this platform to share my ideas, opinions, and things that are important to me, but it would be nothing if people weren’t watching. The Social has such a vibrant and active viewership, and I love when people tell me stories of how they watched our show during pregnancy, when they were in school, or when they were going through, for example, treatment at a hospital. I can’t put into words what it feels like to be told that our show brought some joy or levity into their lives, especially during really difficult times. It’s truly humbling to realize we’ve been able to connect with people at different phases of their lives and we hope that it continues for a long time to come.
So how does it feel working alongside Melissa Grelo, Lainey Lui, Marci Ien, and Jess Allen?
Our bond is really like a sisterhood. Before we started the show, I really didn’t know the rest of the girls, but when you’re working day-in and day-out with the same people it really brings you closer together – or at least that’s been the case with us! I’ve heard it doesn’t work for everyone *laughs*.
What has been the most memorable moment that has happened on set?
There really are so many. Things that stand out are Melissa’s pregnancy announcement in Season 1 – that was very unexpected. I also remember when Jann Arden was co-hosting and Rod Stewart was on the show that day and he pulled out her Christmas CD, which then spawned a hilarious meme. And of course, there was the epic debate about washing meat, which also spawned a meme that has now been watched by millions.
You took Women Studies as a part of your degree at York University, how has that reflected in the way you have developed your career?
At a really young age, I always thought about what kind of life I would make for myself, and I really wanted to challenge the status quo, especially in places where I thought there was a lack of female voices. I definitely send a lot of credit to my mother for this mindset. She was a strong female, who in my mind was the type of woman, matriarch, and leader that I wanted to be. During the time of my studies, I could still see that women were just not accessing a lot of power, and so once I found my voice, I made it my intention to help other women out and also amplify the voices of others. I really do believe that it’s so important to empower other women, and to give other women the spotlight especially those voices that are not often heard.
You have been an advocate for healthy sexual education. What is it about pleasure, decadence and unadulterated joy that got you to dive into the world of sex, and why have you decided to share it with your viewers?
I was raised through a very conservative Catholic school system and one of the interesting things to me was that you couldn’t talk about sex. I honestly think this is where my interest in feminism started from, because I realized that the lack of sexual education can be a real danger and detriment particularly for women and girls. As my knowledge grew and I began writing an advice column, I felt really happy knowing that I was able to provide good, non-judgmental information for people who clearly needed it. , But on the other hand, it was quite concerning to realize that people felt they really didn’t have the information they needed.
What are the most interesting questions you’ve received from Canadians on the popular on-line advice column ASK CYNTHIA?
The question I have probably received the most is some variation of “Am I normal?” People will ask: Are my fantasies normal? Are my desires normal? Am I having a normal amount of sex? Is this body part normal? And so on. I really wish people would realize that there is no “normal” – there’s only what works for you and your partner. Unfortunately, especially our current world, we’ve decided that “bigger” and “more” equals better, even though we know that’s not the case, but that mentality definitely seeps into our sex lives as well. The key to a pleasure-filled sex life is to know yourself and to be honest and authentic. So many people out there are “performing” so they can please their partner, and they end up compromising their own pleasure. We talk a lot about the wage gap between men and women but unfortunately there’s also a big orgasm gap too. Another question I often get is: “How can I keep things spicy in long term relationships” or “how can I rekindle desire”? I’m not going to lie, it’s not always easy. One of the things I often suggest is to schedule romantic time. That doesn’t always have to mean sex but you do need time – especially once kids come along – to focus on each other and to do new things. But it’s equally important to have alone time, to cultivate mystery. We’re drilled in the western world that your partner has to be your best friend, confidant, and your lover – but that doesn’t always make for great sex. I’m not suggesting that you have a secret life from your partner, but it’s important to have separate interests, have great vibrant friendships, and carve out space for mystery. After all, that’s what fans the flames of erotic desire for the long haul.
Why did you start FindYourPleasure.com?
It was only a few months after giving birth to my son that we launched, The Social. Even though I was really happy with a great job, great husband, and beautiful child – I was increasingly aware of the fact that I felt miserable. In fact, I felt like I was drowning in my life. One day it dawned on me that I couldn’t remember the last time I had really indulged in any of the things I used to enjoy like writing or cooking or just having a day to myself. I started asking my girlfriends how they were doing – and the truth was, most of us were mired in to-do lists and obligations and hadn’t made any space for our pleasures. It was those conversations that eventually led to me creating Find Your Pleasure. I wanted to have a space to not only connect with other women but also to share ideas on how we can cultivate more pleasure in all realms of our lives. I believe that women in particular often feel a lot of shame surrounding pleasure. We’ve been taught that good girls don’t wear certain things, or ask for certain things, and that we aren’t entitled to certain things. And I think that way of thinking has done a huge disservice to women’s empowerment. So, I want to blow up that Idea. I believe that pleasures, deeply felt, are actually an essential component for women’s happiness. With that in mind, I began writing about how to cultivate more pleasure in everywhere from the boardroom to the bedroom. I began rediscovering my own pleasure for writing and then women started sharing their stories as well. Find Your Pleasure is as much about sharing ideas around pleasure in parenting, career and in love as it is about slowing down to notice those tiny, pleasurable things like savoring a rich shiraz, wandering around a flower garden, finding a perfect red lipstick or indulging in kisses that make your toes curl. As the community has grown, I have come to believe it’s a feminist act to prioritize pleasure. One of the ways we can do that is to be militant about self-care. Whether that means asking for help in the morning so we can focus on a daily morning pleasure ritual or checking ourselves into a hotel alone every few months – we need to make time to cultivate our needs and desires in whatever sense that is. Why? Because it feeds our souls. As the old saying goes, in a time of crisis, you need to put on your air mask first. In other words, you can only truly look after others after you have taken care of yourself. This is the beginning of a pleasure revolution for women, I hope your readers will come and join me on this journey.
